When I returned to the UK after the
walk, at the end of January, I was on a high. I felt incredibly light, like
nothing really mattered, but in a joyous and playful way, rather than a nihilistic
one. Everything felt like a bonus, and my everyday interactions (with everyone
- friends, taxi drivers, supermarket cashiers) reflected that. Then I started
to work on the upkeep and maintenance of my parents' house, and my childhood
home, in Sussex. It has started to look a bit sad and neglected in recent
years, despite my mother's best efforts. My to-do list soon began to feel
overwhelming, the cost of landscaping (both raw materials and labour) came as a
shock after years abroad, and the days were cold, wet, and short. After 3
months, I was feeling more tired, flat and unenthused (about everything) than I
ever have before. I had no desire to read and got into the habit of an escapist
martini (or two) before dinner every night, passing out directly afterwards.
Was it the weather? The physical labour? The to-do list? The challenges of
coming home after years away? Or some vulgar virus? I went to see my GP, who
did a blood test; nothing abnormal. With the growing suspicion that the malaise
was primarily psychological, I consulted a friend and then booked a flight to
India to spend a month at the Amritapuri ashram in Kerala, for £5 a day. I get
a simple room, 3 vegetarian meals a day, access to various supposedly
beneficent activities/ practices, as well as proximity to Amma herself, the
'hugging Saint' and, according to some, a divine incarnation... I arrived last
week.
If you would like to read about the experience – and it has
been life-changing - then please go to my normal webpage www.clausvonbohlen.com
